Ages
by PhaerynTao
Summary: Jazmine comes of age. Very confusing and unpleasant. Angst.


a/n: This story is long, old, switches POV's, and doesnt make much sense. But I'm trying to contribute to the Boondocks section, so I decided t publish it. No flames or harsh crits please, for I dont need them because I've already scrutinzed the errors of this story anyways.

* * *

Days go by quickly, I easily know that much. Seconds, minutes, hours, it all eases through our fingers like the finest sand in the Sahara desert which is exactly why a content serene smile is plastered on my face. The days are getting colder, but I have never paid any mind to the blistery wind that bit at my exposed areas, especially today. I readjust my headphones that are blaring The Irises and turn to number ten 'Betty's on Parade'. It's not particularly a happy song, but it's got a good beat that is fueling my good mood. Walks to school are pleasant, but even with the absence of the two individuals that had always brightened my day I was still happy. All this talk about enjoying myself, and no one except for my parents know why. My birthday is in two days, and I turn fourteen years old. I'm supposedly going through the integration from preteenaghood to actual teenage hood. I doubted I would feel any drastic changes physically or emotionally. As a girl I had already noticed tiny little mosquito bites that are called breasts gently poking out of my shirt, and I was already poignant as can get. 

My birthday always made me happy when it rolled around, not particularly from the presents and other stuff that my parents spent their money on (although that was all well and good), but because every holiday, no matter what, is the time that my family is tighter then ever. I've always liked the feeling of togetherness, whether it be my friends or family, or even my town. The song on my portable CD player that I had bought with my allowance a few months ago ended, and I was just about to change the song again when a car pulled up next to me. It startled me; I mean, who isn't when a car pulls up next to you, especially when you don't recognize who it is? The windows were tinted, and I couldn't see who it was at first. I was beginning to consider turning around and reporting an attempted abduction when the window rolled down and the face of a good friend was finally visible.

It was Rice, my only older friend. And probably my second friend that I've made in this town, the town in which I had been happy, but nevertheless lonely. This may sound hideously far fetched, but she was able to move out of her parents house at only fifteen and decided that even though she'd be living in a town filled with 'milk' that it would be easier than living in her old town which was something that she did not really want to go back to. She worked three jobs, the only one I knew of was that of the coffee shop downtown. Huey Freeman often teased her about the ambiguity of her other jobs, suggesting to me that she probably was a prostitute, but I'm pretty sure he was using that dark sense of humor he always had. According to him I was a crappy judge of character, but I was sure that I knew Rice well enough to know she wouldn't get into that type of profession.

"Hey Jaz, hop in. I'll give you a lift to school." She said, with a smile that was the same as mine just shortly before she pulled up.

Don't lecture me, I know that you're not supposed to get in a car with a stranger, but Rice isn't a stranger at all. In fact she's one of the few people I realized has any sense whatsoever in this town. I have a certain afro-wearing friend to thank for my newfound sight. I beamed at her as I got into the passenger seat and closed the door. She began to drive, and I was certain she was breaking the speed limit but I didn't really bother to mention it to her.

"Jazmine, I hope you realize that you're late for school." She said. Ha, as if she really cared. Small talk was her specialty though.

"My parents let me sleep in. They already called me into the front office and said I was going to be late." I said, leaning my elbow on the crusty busted armrest. Gross hippy beetles, one of a kind.

"Yeesh…lucky. Is there any sort of special occasion?"

"Well, they're being really nice to me since its going to be my birthday in a few days."

I didn't have to get special treatment from them to love them, I knew that. My parents were wonderful people. Smart, liberation-oriented, and always did what was best for me. At least on most things. I won't lie; they are quite judgmental when it comes to my hair, of all things. Its frizzy, nappy, curly, African, whatever people want to call it. They were always so intent on getting it to 'behave'. Huey always said that it was African beauty, and that I should accept what I was given. It took nearly two years to actually believe his words. For such a high strung kid, he was probably the smartest person I had ever known. Rice stayed quiet for most of the ride, unless I bothered to ask her something about the day ahead of her. She really wasn't much of a talker unless there was any interaction needed, even though, like I've mentioned, she's the master at small talk. Rice was much more of a listener, and never really offered advice. She was strangely a close friend with my parents, they often enjoyed being in her company. Talk about weird, eh? She seems like a gypsy to me. I never knew what city she was from, but whatever it is it's a lot more diverse than here. And more importantly, she is bi-racial, something that is rare in these parts, and also something that I can easily relate to. I'm not surprised that she doesn't have a boyfriend, because though I think she's gorgeous, its only fair to assume that most of the male population here doesn't go for anything refreshing or different. She dropped me off in the empty schoolyard and smiled as she drove off, spewing disgusting gas from her cheap automobile.

Soon I found myself entering my seventh grade homeroom class and my teacher nodding as he knew that my tardy was excused. I took my seat quietly next to Huey. He was, as usual, staring out the window before he turned to look at me, just long enough for me to give him the wide smile that I always did every day as a silent greeting. He gave me a classic look which included raising an eyebrow, and he veered back to his staring at the little tree outside the paned glass. I remember the days when I used to take offense to his aloofness, but now no matter what, I'm sure that under that tough and intense exterior a person who cared was helping him make all of his decisions. I never completely understood him, but hey, I'm working on it.

Thoughts of my birthday were shoved aside for a bit as I continued to stare at him out of the corner of my eye like I did nearly every day. With the exception of me (or rather half of me), Huey was the only person in the class that had any color to his skin. It was refreshing for me in a way, but to him it must be agonizing to come to such a pasty school every single day. I had a considerable fascination with the boy, and scrutinized his every move, word, and personality. They that most guys are completely oblivious to a girl's feelings for them, but Huey always knew of my intentions. He was no moron and easily saw through my gestures and behaviors that I always had when I was around him the first year that he moved to Woodcrest. I had really calmed down since then, I didn't hang around him all the time, I didn't always try and make him see how wonderful and lovey dovey the world is, and I didn't hassle him about my hair anymore.

But my benevolence never changed, and I was always as sweet as can be, just less annoying I guess. I considered him a precious friend, and although he never really voiced his view on our relationship I never really got the feeling that he loathed being around me. I even liked his family. His Grandfather, heh. Interesting old guy, funny how old people in this town often lost their memory and physical abilities and became lost members of society, but he seemed sharp as a tack still. And his brother Riley. I'm not going to lie and say that I love the 'darling little angel', but he can be cool to be around when he isnt reciting his violent rap lyrics and voicing his wishes to have tons of money and women. In spite of my lingering respect for him, I haven't quite forgiven the time he made fun of my breasts and I wore baggy sweatshirts for weeks afterwards. Yes, the family was a very drastic, and in my opinion fantastic change for my neighborhood.

School dragged on for me, because even though I normally don't mind school my birthday was coming up and the days seemed painfully longer. The bell rang and I was amongst the small crowd of students racing towards the exit. I waited next to the steps to the main entrance like I do every day to walk home with Huey and his brother. He came shortly after I locked my knees and prepared to wait.

"Why were you late to school?"

I looked to Huey on my right side, who stared strait ahead and spoke in his monotone tenor. His voice had changed a little, gotten deeper, but that's about it. Riley walked behind us, pressing random buttons on his Blackberry two way pager. Our triangular formation hadnt changed one bit. I smiled and beamed calmly as I animatedly replied.

"Well since my birthday's in a few days, my parents are letting me live it up. They let me sleep in pretty late and excused my tardy."

I could tell at least one of them was annoyed by that, because Riley snorted loudly and began to scoff like he does to just about everything.

"Ch, whateva. If I asked Granddad if I could sleep in on my birthday, I'd get an ass whoopin' so hard I'd fuckin' forget anythin' that was happenin' that day. And don't even get dis nigga started on present shit-"

I sighed. Riley was a good kid, at least at heart, but gosh he could get annoying sometimes. I don't care how much emotional development I've made over the last two years, I was still sensitive by nature and I don't think Riley knew that. Or if he did know, he certainly didn't care. I pretended I couldn't hear Huey's brother rant about the way his birthdays were done and looked to my right once again. Huey's eyes were directed downward, watching his feet as he walked. His face looked angrier than usual, perhaps because he was letting his brother's miniscule hissy fit run its course. But if my hopes didn't run dry, there was a chance he was upset for the way his brother talked to me. Nah, he wasn't that defensive of me. And frankly I didn't really mind if he cared or not. I focused on my birthday again, and began to bathe in the good feelings that returned after I was reminded of the special juncture that was arriving slowly but surely.

We came up the walkway that led to the Freeman household, and I decided to cross the street to go to my own house. I turned around, only to look back behind me at Huey who had uncharacteristically wished me a happy birthday. Granted he claimed he was saying it two days early because he would forget once it really rolled around, but it still meant something to me. I crossed the street with a contented smile on my face and opened the door to my house. It had become warmer since this morning, I noticed. So instead of going upstairs to work on my homework assignments, I dropped my backpack and sweatshirt that I had worn earlier and went strait back out the door.

I found myself more than smiling, I was grinning. The sunshine seemed to have made a special candle for me, and rays built themselves around me like they wanted to embrace me forever. I won't deny that I was naturally a happy person and that it was hard for me to get depressed, and today seemed like it should be my birthday rather than it being two days later. Something was reflecting in my vision, and I found that it was my hair, shining like a soft golden cloud that had been touched by a sunrise. Huey was right. I felt a pang of guilt that I had ever had negative feelings towards my hair. It took a half hour, but I finally reached my favorite spot in the entire city. There was a hill that overlooked Woodcrest with a great big tree that stood by itself. For some strange reason it looked like it was especially lonely today.

I sat down and leaned against the comforting bark of the large species of foliage. I always sat up here for a number of reasons; being alone, collecting my thoughts, and to be in the company of Huey. To tell you the truth, it was primarily to be in the company of Huey. Sometimes he sat next to me, talking about how stupid this town was, talking about how stupid this country was, talking about how stupid the world is, talking about how stupid everything was. With any other person that would, excuse my language, annoy the shit out of me. I was no longer afraid to face the truth of things like I was so recently ago, but when one dwells on it so constantly it gets tiring and nightmarish. But whenever Huey did it, he talked about it with an air of both disappointment and enthusiasm. Of course it was still uncomfortable for me to listen to such depressing spills of thoughts, but inside I knew that he would be the one to change all of that. He is an extraordinary boy, and I spit on anyone who tries to silence him.

His personality was something beautifully original, as well as his appearance. He still wore a rigidly kept afro, and as he grew older his body I noticed was beginning to allow some muscle to be built upon his bones. His eyes were still intense, angry almost, and still the color of the most chocolaty brown with a sultry hint of wine red. I put my arms behind me and cushioned my head with them against the rough bark, and felt my feet slide themselves out of my black leather Amy Browns. I crossed my legs, and closed my eyes, letting myself commune with nature and just slip out of this physical world if only for a few moments of time. Nothing plagued my mind, and I welcomed the peace as it set in slowly. But I know nothing good lasts for a long time. Or that's what I thought when I was jerked out of my trance by footsteps sharply flattening the grass. I looked to my side and saw the person who had been in my mind just seconds before. Huey looked at me mildly surprised, but instead of leaving he came and sat next to me, starting with his eyebrow raised at my bare feet.

"I didn't know you liked to go au naturale." He said, resting his chin in his palm and staring at Woodcrest below.

"I think we all should once in a while." I answered quietly.

"Are you planning on not shaving your legs when you're older too?"

I frowned at him, and said in a pouty voice, "Maybe I wont. All of that stuff doesn't look like its worth the hassle. Besides, you seem like the kind of person who'd want me to become a feminist."

"I wouldn't mind. But not shaving your legs doesn't mean that you're a feminist. There's probably bacteria and pesticides in this grass too. I'd like to change the subject now."

I was thinking along the same lines, I didn't want to talk about shaved legs when this gorgeous afternoon was passing me by. Everything seemed perfect. Well…at least pretty close.

"Today is such a beautiful day." I said, a small smile playing on my lips. He said nothing.

"And thanks for wishing me a happy birthday, I had no idea that you remembered."

"Psh, don't think anything of it. I think birthdays don't really need the amount of recognition that they get. There are ten year old shoemakers in China who have birthdays, but does anyone give a shit? No, I think not."

Hm, he has a good point there.

"Then why did you remember mine?" I think I've got him there. And again, he said nothing.

"What're you going to buy me for a present?" I asked jokingly, the odds of him actually going and spending money on something as materialistic as a gift for a birthday were about the same as World Peace in the present state of our planet.

"I don't know. What do you want?"

I blinked. So quickly that I guess it looked like I was fluttering my eyelashes. I guess World Peace is on its way a little earlier than I expected.

"I was joking Huey, you don't have to get me anything. I'm happy to be turning fourteen and be with my friends and family, and that's all that really matters."

"You sure?"

The first question that popped up into my mind was why he was being so persistent about this. I already told him I didn't want him to buy me anything. Perhaps he's not completely convinced that my nonmaterialistic statement was what I was really feeling. Then I got another idea.

"Since I know you're not big on consumerism, how about instead of buying me something you make me something? Like, a drawing-"

Nah, he sucked at drawing, even I could admit that.

"-or maybe, a poem or something like that. I don't know, its up to you. Anything would make me happy."

He turned to look at me, the peculiarity shining down on him today showing itself even more. His eyes were intense, but not the angry kind of intense. Like he was trying to read any lies, anything signaling that I wasn't being true inside of my eyes. Apparently he found none and he looked away again.

"It doesn't have to be tangible either." I said, slightly baffled by this entire conversation.

Huey then stood, and offered me his hand. I hesitantly took it and put my shoes back on. It was already getting dark, and my parents were probably wondering where I was. They weren't as constricting as they used to be, at least now I was allowed to go past the second light post. There was a comfortable silence between us two as we walked down the same route we had walked on the way home from school. We finally came to his walkway and I stopped him before he could get away from me so abruptly.

"You don't have to do anything, keep that in mind."

He glared at me, as if saying 'I've made my decision and you cant change it'. I shrugged and decided to give him a hug. It wasn't the normal bear hug that he resented and that I was used to giving him, it was a friendly and gentle hug and I think my feelings radiated a bit too much and he pulled away sharply, for usually he just stood there his arms hanging besides him and wait it out. He said a quick goodnight and walked briskly down his walkway and into his house, slamming the door, and if I heard correctly locking it too. I couldn't help but laugh. Did he think I was going to break in? I crossed the street feeling elated. I know I was only thirteen, but I had decided I liked Huey Freeman. _Really _liked him. He was just such a beautiful individual, and I couldn't believe that he actually wanted to give me something for my birthday. I remember on so many occasions he was resistant to show me any kind of affection, even if it was friendly affection. But I didn't care, I was completely sure of my feelings for him and I was so glad. I didn't know if his feelings were the same, but that was something I would work on for the next few days.

I lay in bed that night, knowing that I once again would not have to arrive at school on time and settled on taking advantage of that. All I could think about was him. I always thought about him a lot, but not like this. It was as if every time I closed my eyes he was there, staring at me with his fiery eyes. I wondered if I should tell him how I feel. I remember when we first became friends it was blatantly obvious that I was smitten with him, but as I grew a bit older the unwanted attention I gave him sort of turned into sociable attention much to his relief. I thought he was handsome. Not the normal superficial kind of handsome. There was nothing superficial about this kid and I would vouch for that. Although there were still many things that I didn't agree with which he strongly agreed, his mind was wonderful and it reminded me that there is always someone with an opinion. After laying in the dark with Huey in my mind for a long time I finally fell asleep. I could've sworn that I still had a faint smile on my face.

* * *

I rubbed my eyes and yawned deeply as I walked down the sidewalk, the overcast sky threatening to spill rain. I sighed, the urge to tell my brother to shut up growing quickly as he talked about the new Jay Z video that had recently seen on MTV. When is he going to learn that I don't give a rat's ass about his rap culture obsession? For a rare moment I wished that Jazmine was here, walking beside me. At least she talked about something other than tits and ass. I blinked. I don't usually wish for Jazmine's presence. Lately she has become much more than the annoying young girl that always used to hang all over me and demand obnoxious amounts of physical contact. I knew she was at home in her bed still, her parents kissing her ass and letting her sleep in, while I'm out here getting ready to be poured on, and going to a school that I despise being in. I pictured her in her bed, her face even more peaceful than when she was awake, psh, impossible. I narrowed my eyes. It wasn't like me for my mind to linger on her for long. 

I guess we were both changing, and drastically at that. We were both approaching I teenagehood at alarming rates, and it was most obvious last night. The tree was one of my sanctuaries, a spot of tranquility where I could ponder whatever I decided without any distraction. It seemed these recent days that every time I was with someone other than my family I was with Jazmine. I certainly spent a lot more time with her than I used to, but the real difference was that I was doing it voluntarily. I used to dislike being around such a buttered up cream puff, hell I almost abhorred it. She had definitely altered, mentally and physically. She was growing taller, almost as tall as me, and her voice was no longer high pitched but slightly deeper and much softer. I guess 'womanly' is the word I'm looking for. And I'd rather do so, but it's hard to forget about her new torso additions as well.

Physically, she was different, yes. But mentally, she was even more peculiar. She had taken some of my 'preachings' to heart and adopted a thirst for knowledge. I thought I was always inside of a book, she burrowed into them now. Deep down I was proud of her. She used to be so naïve, so sheltered, and so unaware of even the most disgusting injustices in Woodcrest. Even with this new dawning of being asleep in a sea of ignorance, she stayed unconditionally kind and I figured that she would never lose that childlike air to her. As for me, well, I lost my childhood a long time ago, if I even had one at one point. She was lucky in so many ways, enough to make me jealous of her. That, and pissing me off with her inane ness was what made her so repellent way back when. My thoughts were shaken off of my bi-racial companion by a harmless but firm punch to the arm.

"Yo nigga, pay attention would ya?" Riley said. I rolled my eyes. As far as I was concerned, my younger brother hadn't changed at all.

"Why the hell d'you always get that glazed look over yo eyes nowadays?"

"Why do you still think I care about your fixation of B.E.T and other black channels that are full of shit?" I countered, hoping that the little prick would shut up sooner or later. There is love somewhere between us, but it often stays as hidden as hidden can be.

"Quit avoiding the question. Whatchu thinkin' of when you get that weird look in yo eyes?"

I saw his eyes light up, then look disgustingly smug. Although it's hard not to, I never underestimate Riley's intelligence. Its quick like mine, but it's used for stuff that's going to get him shot in the face one day.

"You thinkin' of ya hoe? OWCH! What the hell did you do that for??" Riley yelled, sporting a newly bruised arm thanks to me.

"Because you're a stupid dumbass who doesn't know when to shut the hell up. And Jazmine ain't no hoe."

Ah shit.

"HA! So ya'll WERE thinkin' about Jaz! Man how the mighty fall!"

Riley was about to break into his 'Huey and Jazmine sitting in a tree' song, but my glare must have scared him enough to shut him up. I don't care what a badass he may think he is, I can still overpower him easily. I say until he can beat me up, he sure as hell wasn't ready for the street life he dreams of. I remembered a time where I would go ballistic on anyone who even hinted that me and Jazmine were anything more than friends. I drifted back into my own thoughts, thinking about my self-called obligation that I must do within a day. I figured as a reward for her changing her irritating ways I would let down my cold shield that was against everyone and at least do something semi-special for her birthday. But I was having trouble on the subject, because like I told her I was never a fan of celebrating birthdays. I told Granddad I didn't want him to celebrate my birthday, and while Riley would never ask such a thing he carried out the request on him too. I honestly didn't care. After reaching the steps to the junior high school that was equally as appalling as J. Edgar Hoover Elementary, and threatening my brother with a later duel with my katana if he ditched school, I walked into my classroom earlier than everyone else and sat down at my assigned seat. The room was empty, and I boredly looked at the clock. Five minutes until class began and then I would be surrounded by more than a dozen pink faces that would look just as bored as mine.

Eventually my teacher was at the front of the classroom as well, and already children found themselves falling asleep with their head in their arms against their desks. I looked out the window, like always. The teacher was probably under the impression that I wasn't paying attention and that asking me to do so would provoke my high blood pressure that black people supposedly have. But I paid attention to every single thing that happened in that class even though it didn't look like it. I don't think many people were fooled by my act however, because it was hard to keep a strait A average quiet from nosy people like these. For a brief moment I gazed over at the empty seat besides me. I knew she had to be here eventually, so I waited even longer. It's brief whenever I acknowledge her. Much different from the times I used to ignore her completely. It was strange, how suddenly guilt could appear. I could only focus on how irksome she was, not on her intentions. Its useless to say otherwise, I was a miserable person. My sadness came from the ignorance of others, how they so easily accepted this world made of heinous and implausible delusions. Jazmine once posed a proverbial question towards me; _which would be better, to be totally unknowing and be happy, or to know everything and be miserable?_ I already made my choice sub-consciously years ago, but I was lived it, and I didn't really decide. I still think about it to this day, that among many things.

The classroom door creaked open, and everyone including myself looked over at who had disturbed the class. The teacher nodded to Jazmine and gave her permission to sit down, but it seemed she didn't even bother to pay attention to his acknowledgment. Everyone else looked back down to stare aimlessly at their desks, but I stared at her face and noticed that it was very pale, sickly pale. But nonetheless she still wore a smile on her face, and gave me her usual grin as she sat down next to me. It was strange, watching her throughout the school day. She was sweating, and although her demeanor hadnt changed at all from this she looked like she was ill. Sometimes she clutched her stomach and groaned softly, resting her forehead on the edge of her desk. It was all slightly disturbing. If she was so sick why the hell was she even here? She should've stayed home, especially since by the end of the day she looked as if she was going to blow chunks all over the place.

The sacred bell that signaled the end of another boring and pointless day rang, and as the flurry of movement subsided I waited at the doorway for my slower than usual companion who finally walked over to me with one hand clutching her backpack strap, the other one on her lower abdomen. She didn't say anything to me, and we walked through the close to empty hallway and out the main exit. Riley wasn't here, so I presumed that he already walked home.

"You look like you're ready to toss your cookies." I said, my eyebrow rose questioningly.

She still didn't say anything, but even stranger she began to smirk. Jazmine? Smirk? The two didn't seem to fit quite right.

"You should just forget about it, I got through today and that's what matters." She said finally, sighing, as though thankful that it didn't rain her throw-up in class.

I shrugged, if her parents actually didn't care at all that her daughter was suffering at school then it was up to them how to raise her, but it was much to my dismay to see her in any kind of pain. Some color was beginning to return to her face, and she once again assured me that she was okay now that she was out of school. Jazmine asked me if I wanted to take the long way home, and I saw strait through that and quickly declined. Her solemn ness didn't make me lose sight of the fact that she had a crush on me and I still was not yet completely comfortable with being alone with her for such long periods of time. Strangely enough, last night was an exception. I had a weird feeling that she was going to be up at the tree, yet I didn't divert my decision to go there myself. When I saw her there leaning up against the tree that offered me comfort that many now and in the past could not, I knew I didn't want to leave. It was very unlike her to be so…standoffish. Usually that was my job. But she simply talked about her birthday, and me like a bewitched dumbass asked if she wanted anything. I expected her to jump at the chance to make me get her a gift, to begin thinking of all sorts of stupid stuff for me to do for her. Touché Jaz, you threw me a curve ball.

What possessed me to be so atypical yesterday? Not until when I came back and sat in front of the television with the lights off that evening did I even think about what I had done. I hated the feeling of such insecurity, yet I searched it out for myself. It took me a long time before a possible answer came to me as Dan Rather was on the flat screen spoke about yet another one of the president's failures as if it was some kind of great accomplishment; perhaps I cared about her. Maybe even the same way that she cared about me. I dismissed it at first, but I was never the type to be in denial for too long. It scared me the way she hugged me, something intense emitted from her body and it startled me. It was different from the lung exploding hugs she used to give. It was as if two minds were connecting and millions of bytes of information were zipping through the both of us at the speed of light. Very much like a zap of electricity, it even included a skip of my heartbeat.

I always thought this sort of thing belonged in the fairy tales of children's books, or in those chick flicks that turned into blockbusters because supposedly there wasn't a dry eye in the theatre. Or even more so, it was not for me. Let's be serious. For me, and anyone who knew me, 'love' would not be the first thing that popped into their mind when they thought of me. I never thought Jazmine was ugly in either looks or personality, but when I looked at her now it was too different to describe in words. This hesitation I felt was something I was not used to. I was always the kind of person to dive right into things, never holding back because I thought I had little to fear of other than death. But maybe telling someone about my attraction was up on the fairly short list too. Instead of being on my side of the sidewalk, we were on hers, and I involuntarily walked her to the entrance of her house. She opened the door slowly and peeking inside, as though checking to see if her parents were in sight. I raised my eyebrow as high as it would go. I really hoped she wasn't planning anything that involved close physical contact. She was already making me as jittery as I could get.

But she did nothing of the sort, and simply smiled at me and gave me a loose hug much to my relief. Whatever kind of stomach virus she had I didn't want to catch it. She stepped inside and shut the door in a curt manner. I didn't remain and brusquely walked across the street to my own house with even more extensive subjects to think about. I was a theorist, used to pondering about one thing for a very long time and coming out with several different results. But the subject that had been on my mind as of late wasn't giving me very many results to work with. Usually I wasn't scared of the unknown. However something about this department scared the shit out of me.

* * *

I had never felt such a delicious pain in my life. I had suffered so badly today, but I suffered it as a woman. After falling sleep to the sound of my own thoughts I awoke to a gurgling rip of pain in my lower stomach. I tried to go back to sleep, but the persistence of the pain was too concentrated, and I was forced to rise. Walking down the hall to the bathroom I had to stop and grip the side of the hallway. I finally reached the washroom and sat down on the toilet and emptied my bladder, which I thought was what was causing me such pain. When I stood up, I double taked. There was a red substance in the bowl. I blinked my eyes profusely. Was I seeing things? Was that _blood_? Something clicked in my mind about what this could mean, but I was too panicked to think about it for long. I pulled up my pants and ran out the door, running to my parents room, but stopping as I look at them both sleeping peacefully in the same bed. I chose to wake up mom. I prodded her gently and she woke with a start. 

"Jazmine, honey whats that matter?" She asked, rubbing the dust out of her eyes but still alert.

"Mom…I'm _bleeding_!" I whispered in horror, feeling it gather in my nether regions.

She got up immediately, surprisingly not waking my dad and hurried with my hand in hers back to the bathroom.

"Okay Jaz, where are you bleeding?"

"...Down there." I said, looking at the floor as if I was ashamed.

The sound of my mother's laughter broke me out of my moment of self pity. I looked at her in utter disbelief. She fell back on her bottom and was chuckling like there was no tomorrow. I said nothing, but stared at her questionably.

"Oh…oh my god…you nearly scared me half to death, I thought you were really hurt!"

"Mom, what're you talking about?? I'm bleeding!"

"Jazmine, its okay, its perfectly normal for you to bleed out of your vagina."

"How in the world is that normal??" I said, completely confused about what was going on.

"Jazmine, bleeding from there is called getting your period, and it happens to girls who are becoming women. Haven't I ever talked to you about this?"

I shook my head hastily. Well…at least I knew I wasn't dying.

"It's a sign that you are able to have children, and it happens every month. However it won't start becoming a regularity for a long time. It's supposed to last for a few days usually, but everyone's is different. Someone's first could last for a week, another's could last for merely a day."

I had no idea my mother was so absent minded that she would deny me this information about my body until this happened. I was extulent to know that this was normal, but instead of knowing about it beforehand I was susceptible to the shock of meeting it when it came. I felt like crying, but I didn't. Instead I just stared at her in incredulity as if she was the one who had made me feel this distress. Mom's eyes changed from a humorous glow to one of sympathy, and wrapped her arms around me in a tight embrace.

"I think I've made quite the mistake at parenting, Jazmine. I should've told you about this kind of thing earlier. It's nothing to be afraid of. It can be painful sometimes, but always know that it is natural. Do you feel any better?" She asked warily.

I nodded. The pain went away for a brief moment as I didn't think about it, but was quickly returning. I didn't want to tell her that though. I decided to forgive her, for her inability to tell of me of this was the least of my problems at the time. My stomach lurched, but I hid the pain well. My mom sent me back to bed with a glass of water and Advil, and soon I was once again sleeping as though I had been whacked on the head. But come the time to get up, I was not ready even though I had extra sleep. Once I sat up the pain immediately came back and I fell back down and moaned into my pillow. Mom gave me something to wear so the blood wouldn't stain anything, but boy was it uncomfortable. I ate breakfast slowly, and fearing that I would fall sleep in my bowl full of milk I put my dishes up early and began a seemingly long and gruesome walk to school.

God…where was Rice when you really needed her. My knees were currently the same consistency of Jell-O, my eyes were heavy and drooping, and my entire torso felt like a wreck. Is _this_ what all the girls are raving about when they talk about going through puberty and becoming a young woman? If I had known, then I would have done all that was in my power to stay a child forever. Lucky thing I already knew about sex, my parents thought it would be good for me to know about that sort of thing rather early, but focusing on one thing often means neglecting another. Today was so different from yesterday. Then, I was sporting an attitude that could never be let down by anything, and today I didn't want to look in the mirror because I was afraid I looked like the walking dead. I sure felt like it anyway.

It felt like horribly long hours had passed before I once again walked up those steps and went to my classroom. I opened the door and didn't even wait for the teacher to acknowledge me, just sat down in my desk. I knew I looked like crap, I knew I felt like crap. And I didn't want Huey to see me like this. If he knew what was really going on he would probably torment me with a bunch of growing up mumbo jumbo and then say I wasn't ready for physical maturity. Or he would just be grossed out. But even so, he looked over at me and I still smiled. Maybe it would put him off for a bit before he had time to make any mental crude comments about my appearance. Maybe I'm belittling him. Maybe I'm just making these crude comments about myself. Embarrassment I suppose is the culprit here. But with what felt like a ton of blood flowing out of my privates it was had to keep my cool.

No matter how hard I tried to stay focused on the bad though, there was a little voice in my head that told me to be satisfied about this. To be proud that I was growing into the woman I had hoped to be, and maybe to enjoy the last bit of my childhood, because adulthood seemed to be right around the corner now. And heck, even though I knew I wasn't ready though, I was able to have a baby. I wonder if a sense of maternity is with every girl on the planet.

Time seemed to slow down today, every ounce of pain in my lower abdomen making it seem like I was going through a wormhole that had been ripped open. Sometimes I would pass in and out of consciousness, and I would vaguely see little stars as my vision came back. I thought about leaving school and going back home so many times, but mom said that you shouldn't let your period run your life, and that sometimes you should just tough it out. I didn't want to bother anyways, my teacher being male would certainly not be my first choice to talk to about my current situation, a discussion in which I would probably need if I were to leave school so early. So….I stayed. And let me tell you it was probably the longest day of my life. The highlight came when that wonderful bell sounded the end of class and I could finally leave. And walking with Huey I was greatly thankful that he didn't say anything that involved my appearance today. Well…aside from him saying that I looked like I was going to toss my cookies, but I replied with merely a quick defense to keep him from knowing anything too personal.

Instead of going up to the tree as I usually did on most days after school had let out, after Huey eerily enough walked me up to my door I went up to my room. I took out my CD case and put in The Dresden Dolls album. The funny fluttery feeling lingered in my stomach, which I knew wasn't from my period. I didn't hug him too hard, it just didn't seem appropriate at the time. I turned my boom box to "Bad Habit" and listened to the fast piano, thoughts traveling through my mind at quite the contradictory speed. I reviewed my day in slow motion and wished that it had gone so much faster. I turned down the volume to my music and picked up my phone with the pink cord that connected it to the hook and dialed slowly. Rice had so much work to do, it would be amazing if she was even home at this hour. Surprisingly I heard a familiar voice greet me on the other side of the line.

"Hello?"

"Hey Rice, its Jazmine."

"Oh hey. Listen, I don't have a lot of time here 'cause I gotta go to work soon, but that's alright I guess."

Oh well, better than nothing.

"So whats on your mind darling?"

I said nothing at first. Words backed up into my throat like a clogged up toilet.

"…Jaz?"

"I got my period today."

At first there was only silence at the other end.

"…And? Is that it?"

"…"

"I'm sorry Jaz, that was insensitive. Its nothing to be ashamed of, I get mine just like everyone else, don't you worry."

"I…I just wanted to tell you that. I wont hold you up any longer." I said, ready to choke up.

She was so hesitant to leave though. "Are you sure? You don't sound too good."

"Don't worry. I'm fine. Bye Rice." And I hung up.

It took me such a long time, but I finally realized that I just might be alone in this world. It wasn't fair that I was feeling such sorrow the day before my birthday. I had read about the affects on a person's mood that could occur during puberty, and it didn't take me long to establish a connection. It was as if I was overcome with a sensation to do things that I normally don't do. I didn't want to do my homework, I didn't want to be around my parents, and I actually had an odd urge to go out and spray paint some gross vulgarity on a random person's front door. On the last few moments before I left this age behind I was feeling totally cheerless, and it hit me even harder as I lay down on my bed and got under my covers. I wasn't tired. In fact I was far from it, so many thoughts of sadness were buzzing around my head and not letting me get the rest that I was sure I needed. I don't know how long I lay there. I didn't even want to eat dinner when my mother called me, and yelled at whoever came and knocked on my door. Outside the wind was blowing the trees furiously, as though they were children being wretchedly shaken by their birth givers. I covered my eyes with my quilt, begging sleep to take me early. I remembered it was Friday, and a weekend full of alleged joy was ahead of me.

My ass.

* * *

There's nothing like waking up to a pillow hard in the face. 

"Get yo ass up, Huey!"

Fuck you, Riley.

I didn't say this out loud but I think that a long annoyed groan did well enough for now. I looked over at the digital clock beside my bed, and it said one in the afternoon. My eyes widened. Usually it was my brother who slept into the afternoon and I was up by at least eleven. I pretend to get up to satisfy Riley's wake up call, only to slump back into my pillows. I knew I couldn't get back to sleep, but my body was screaming at me to let it stay on that mattress for just a little while longer. I obeyed its wishes. My sleeping patterns had changed. I used to do well on a measly four hours, now if I didn't at least get ten hours of sleep I felt nauseous during the day.

I yawned and massaged the back of my neck as I sat up, but from the realization of what day it was I almost gave myself whiplash. I STILL hadnt figured out what to give for her, and I knew it was only a matter of time before I ran into the birthday girl. I didn't even have the strength to pace my side of the room. With all the vigor I could muster I changed out of my sleeping cloths and put on a pair of baggy jeans and a black shirt that squeezed my neckline, indicating that it was getting a bit too small. But I had no aspiration to change and stuck with the unfitted attire. I sluggishly made my way down the stairs as I rubbed the corners of my eyes. Granddad came up to me and he smelled of the kitchen. Now, to any normal meat eating mad cow host they would say he smelled good, but I nearly gagged. He had been cooking bacon, and to me, he reeked as a meat eating murderer.

"Ya'll want some breakfast, boy?"

"S'alright Graddad, I'll get some grapefruit." I said, going to the fridge and pulling out a yellow rine fruit the size of a softball. Gonna be the day the Christian deity of evil catches a cold before I ever put swine in my mouth.

I cut it open and took small bites of the sour orange relative. My tongue writhed, the bitterness falling into sync with my brain. I didn't even grimace from the taste, there was no point I was going to be filleted today for my lack of memory. I actually wouldn't call it a lack of memory, more of an advanced elimination of choices. And I had run out of choices, and time. I pushed the plate away and sat back in my chair with one arm over the back of it, I had completely lost my appetite being so disgusted with myself.

I knew I would hurt her again. No, this was not like the other times that she cried because of me. Now that I think about it, I regret in every way possible ever making her spill tears. It wasn't my style to feel sorry for myself, but I couldn't help but feel the remorse in what I did. Just because its like I'm a thirty year old trapped in a fourteen year old's body didn't mean I had to spread my negativity around to others, especially those who deserved to keep their early youth for a little while longer. Like Jazmine. I couldn't help but feel that I had stolen a bit of her innocence away every time I burdened her with my harsh and sometimes disturbing thoughts. My goal wasn't to harm, but to enlighten. What I didn't see was that Jazmine could do that on her own just like I did, but it just wasn't her time. Sure, she was smarter now, but through what? Me spouting off my theories about Santa Claus being in the Illuminati and telling her that aliens were going to destroy her and her family? Looking back on all of that, I realized what a dick I had been to her all this time.

Quickly putting my dishes up I rushed out the front door and walked down the sidewalk, the sun passed the middle of the skyand was making its way quickly across the sky to its destination where it could be hidden from this side of the world. My head assumed a downward position, watching as I broke my dead momma's back each time I stepped on a cement crack. I looked over towards the other side of the street, and in front of the Dubois household I saw Jazmine, lying in a small bed of cool brown leaves that had fallen from the tree above. I sighed deeply as my legs disobeyed my mind to flee and instead walked toward the cave where a sleeping creature of some kind lay in wait for her birthday present. Although it might hurt me as well, I knew I would announce my empty handedness confidently, breaking her heart as though it meant nothing to me like I always did.

I stepped next to her body clad in what looked like capri jeans and a black tanktop. I almost rolled my eyes. It was thirty degrees out and she was laying in frosted grass in summer close. The crunching of my feet on the dead leaves brought me to her attention, and she opened her eyes and stared up at me. She gave me a small smile.

"Hey." She said quietly, raising her hand above her eyes as though to keep the sun's harmless winter rays out of her eyes.

"Hey." I said with stillness in my voice, almost absentmindedly.

She got up slowly and stared at me. There was something scarily empty about her emrald eyes that were usually so painfully full of light. But they still sparkled a bit. Maybe she was just in a bad mood. Weird, seeing as a day ago she was so excited for her birthday and all.

"Here, come on in."

I resisted gulping loudly and followed her reluctantly into her house. She sort of skipped into her living room while I hung back behind, peeking into the family area while she went to the couch and turned on the television. She patted the spot next to her, motioning for me to come sit down. I decided to sit a cushion away from her, and pretended to focus on her random flipping of channels.

"So, what did you get me for my birthday?"

The question startled me. God dammit I hate it when I'm lured into a sense of false security. I didn't say anything, but I stuck my hands awkwardl into my pockts. She looked at me with a blank expression, but I could see some disapointment somewhere in there.

"Look Jaz, I'm so-"

"Seriously, don't apologize, I don't think I should even be happy today. Its turning out…really bad."

I smelled a heart felt talk. Oh boy…

"In the last two days I've had more changes than my entire life up until then. Its been so weird." She sighed, and muted the television before turning her light brown head towards me.

"I've been so sad, and all of a sudden everything meant nothing to me. I-it's a nightmare Huey…"

Oh god…she was choking up.

"A-and I just want to give up and leave everything behind. I've never felt this way before, and I'm s-scared! I don't know how to handle it at all…"

Welcome to puberty.

She breathed deeply, afraid to shed tears in front of me. I used to get annoyed when she cried. Now I just wish she would, to let all the misery flow out of her so she would be herself again.

"Today…I'm fourteen years old, and I'm more miserable than I have ever been in my _life_."

I resisted saying 'welcome to my world'.

She emphasized every word in that sentence, the sentence that sounded so strange to my ears coming from her. I looked at her for the first time and saw not a whimpering little girl who was afraid of the truth, but a sorrowful and melodramatic teenager who was coming to grips with the new feelings that the 'older people' felt all the time. Growing up, aint it a doll? I nudged her shoulder, and then she just slid onto me, silently crying into my chest like not touching me would somehow kill her. I felt a pain explode in my chest. My heart ached for her, wanted to see those eyes dry as can be, and those lips curving upward into her spirited smile that existed as if it was meant only for me. Even though I wanted to, I did nothing to comfort her. Words didn't see appropriate at the moment, so I could only sit there while she lay near on top of me. Her tears were beginning to get my shirt wet. Taking her by the shoulders I shifted her back so I could get a good look at her face. It was red, wet, and my conscientious eyes were met with green ones that were staring at me…very strangely at that. Mine began to dart around me, hoping to whatever heaven or hell that there was that she'd get the point and back off. But as I inwardly knew she wouldn't, and she didn't.

I did the only thing I could do and closed my eyes tight like I was bracing myself for some sort of harsh impact. The impact that did come was far from harsh. Two flesh rose petals pressed up against my lips, and all the white lightning, the shocks, the electric interferrance and the zooming thoughts just stopped until all of my mind was blank. My eyelids wanted to lift themselves to see the girl who was taking a step further than probably anyone our age had gone. Nothing would allow me to have any thoughts of pulling away, or to escape. I realized I didn't _want to _escape. I felt like I could stay in this state for the rest of eternity with my significant other in my arms. It didn't matter shit to me that I was still young, a kid in most people's eyes, but they forget that there are some who grow up faster than others. I didn't know much about love, probably the only thing I didn't research. I didn't need to. I now knew what love was. It was painful enough to bleed for, and it was the most blissful thing I had ever felt in my life. I see how hard it is to vision Huey Freeman in a state of pure unadulterated happiness, but at the second I am glad that there is only one other person in the room witnessing this, and at the same time being a part of it.

Jazmine finally pulled away to leave me in a state of barrenness, but didn't get up and just lay there. She waited for me to open my eyes and look at her, and look at her I did. Confusion, fear, surprise, and passion mixed into my expression, emotions that had been pent up inside of me until now. She set them free. And only now had I realized how much her existence meant to me. We remained that way for a while, just staring at each other until we began to feel drowsy, then she finally got up and sighed with satisfaction.

"That could count as your gift to me, if you want." She said, grinning.

Ha ha, princess. I narrowed my eyes at her, but she could tell that my tough act was back and my attempted glare failed to undo her uplifted mood. She's not so gullible anymore. A second ago she was about to grab a knife and run it across her wrist, and now she's back to normal, or at least as normal as she was going to get right now. She wasn't laying on me any longer. Good thing too, throughout the entire predicament my heart raged loudly against my ribcage and her extra weight was making it hard for me to think strait. Just when my breathing was getting back to average, she only made it fast again.

"Huey, I think I love you."

"Jazmine, that's not fair. You're only fourteen, I don't think you should make such a huge decision."

"Do you not feel the same way?"

I guess she wasn't in the mood for logic. Hm, maybe I should abandon it for once too. That would be hard for someone like me however…

"Jazmine, I-we-"

"Do you feel the same way?" She repeated, staring at me intensely. I couldn't get away, not this time. Besides, I was finally tired of hurting her. Running away only creates more problems, and running from my feelings would ruin the both of us.

"I-I do feel the same way. But all I'm saying is that we're too young to be talking about love. You should keep an open mind, you know?"

She only hugged me. Hard too.

"I get what you're saying. But I've made up my mind already."

I sighed. She was becoming as headstrong as I am. She leaned on me and tucked her legs underneath her, her chin resting on my shoulder. Her hand reached for the remote but mine got there first.

"And as payment for allowing what occurred earlier to happen, we get to watch the _news_." I said, mockingly saying the sentence as if the news was the most exciting thing ever.

"Fair enough." Jazmine said, probably not caring what we watched so long as she got to be close to me. Hm, girls. I guess they ain't so bad.

Damn well better be the best birthday she ever had. 'Cause like I said, I wasn't a fan of them. Oh well. At least for some people in this world, miracles do come true.

* * *

It was a welcomed relief, the feelings that kept reaccuring after that day. Suddenly I wasn't intent on locking my feelings so forcefully away. Not only had my menstruation and my simplistic and short moment of manic depression cease to exist, but I felt that I could finally show my sentiments for the object of my afffection without worrying what he thought about me any longer. He already admitted it to me; he shared the same feelings. He liked me, possibly even loved. Well…its hard to say with Huey. But the point was that he was on the same playing field as I was, and I was already thinking about touching every base with him. Rice's thoughts about the entire situation were not as deep as I had fortold. But perhaps the correlation between two fourteen year olds just wasn't in the cards for keeping her attention for long. She was much more interested in hearing about what kind of boy he was. I mean, sure he talked to her once or twice, but usually that was when he was asking her a cynically humorous question about what kind of profession she was off to that day. 

"He just seems like he bitches and complains about everything, but doesn't do enough to fix the problems he is objecting." Rice said, sounding like she was doing something else and holding the phone between her cheeck and shoulder. I heard the opening of a soda can.

"Then again…he's really young. I can barely get my voice heard, and look at how much older I am than you guys. I guess I'm a good example of why its easier to complain than to actually change something you don't like."

"But he _will _change the things he doesn't like. Someday…" I said, my mind briefly wandering to somewhere else, that somewhere else residing across the street in the cream colored trophy home.

"I hope so. It's a shame to see so much intensity go to waste." Rice said thoughtfully.

"Man…who knew he would actually have a crush on someone."

My brow furrowed. Not from annoyance, but rather from interest of what she was about to say.

"Number one, I remember distinctly saying that he would never 'dig a hole' for himself as he put it, and number two, no offense Jaz but you two are damn different."

Ha, you never lie, Rice.

"But whatever. I'm happy for you, Jazmine. Not very many people get with the ones they knew back before anyone else. Its kind of sweet. Cliché, but sweet."

"Yeah, I know. He's just such a wonderful person, you know? I don't really care what anyone thinks about my feelings for him, I just know that I have them and that I'll act on them whenever I can." I said.

I felt her smiling. "Now we're talkin'. I'm proud. Just keep doing what you're doing, and if it doesn't work out just know that its probably not mean to be. But I doubt it wont work out. Admittedly, I think Huey is a little bastard, but from the sound of it he cares about you a lot. Hopefully next time I say hi to him instead of protesting the amount of gas my car emits, he'll ask me about your whereabouts."

"Now that I doubt, Rice."

"Never doubt, babe." She said, the zen tone in her voice showing itself.

There was a knock on my door, a soft one. Normally I could tell which of my parents were at the door by their knock, but this time it was hesitant and quiet. I sighed.

"Hey, I have to go Rice."

"Okay, thanks for giving me a call. I don't talk on it very often. Later."

And she hung up. I did the same, then called to whoever knocked to come it. It was my dad. Huh, fairly strange. He rarely ever wanted permission to be in my room.

"Hey Jazmine, did you have fun yesterday?"

I nodded slowly, a dazed smile on my face.

"Yeah Dad, I did. Thanks for all that stuff. I feel like a spoiled brat." I said, remembering gift that was far more worth remembering than any of the material things my parents had gotten me.

"Um, yeah." Dad seemed hesitant. Ironic that he was being so apprehensive, I mean, being a lawyer and all.

"Honey, your mother told me you got your…ahem…your…"

My eyes widened slightly. This wasn't exactly a topic that I could have a conversation of with my dad. Instead of letting him continue stuttering I moved it along a little quicker.

"Yeah, I know what you're talking about."

He sure looked a bit relieved.

"Yes yes yes! And I would also like to remind you that its-"

"Perfectly normal, a sign I'm becoming a woman blah blah blah. C'mon Dad, get to the point." I said, smiling as I rushed him with humorous impatience.

"Well…you'll find that certain changes will start to happen, that's what I'm trying to say."

Like pubescent talks with one's parents perhaps?

"…Such as?"

"Well, your voice changing, your sleeping habits changing, your, um, growth of breasts, and more importantly evident attractions to the opposite sex."

"Ha, that's for sure." I said.

"What do you mean Jazmine, do you…you know."

"Have sex?" I asked innocently.

It was surprising that he was acting like this. Although my dad had always been abiding to all rules, he was usually very confident. To think that I was making him perform this way. But nonetheless it still amused me.

"NO! I mean do you have a crush on someone?"

"…Maybe." I said, bathing in his frantic start to pump information about my life from me.

"Really?? And who might that be??"

"Do I have to tell you?" Since when did I become so rebellious, I thought sarcastically.

"Well of course, Jazmine, I'm your father!"

"Its Huey."

He blinked. "W-what?"

"Huey. You know, Huey Freeman? He's my crush."

"Jazmine, Huey is a harsh angry insensetive radicalist! Are you sure you want to give your feelings to someone like that?"

"Dad, don't worry so much. I like him. End of story."

He sighed, exasperated with my decision, but smiled at me anyway. Although I'll never forget, a lot of kids overlook that whatever their parents may do, they still love them. He stood up and patted me gently on the head.

"You're a good girl, you're right. I shouldn't worry."

And he left. I fell back on my bed, weirdly exhausted from having my first heart to heart talk about puberty with my dad. Only until now did I realize just how draining it was to talk to my parents about this kind of stuff. My heart beat like I was running twenty miles strait. I sat up on my elbows and looked out my window. The sun was out, but there was condensation on the window which meant the warmth from in here was clashing with the cold air outside. A drop of conjured water slid down my window and fell on the sill. A lot had been happening lately, needless to say. I was never a good journal keeper, I usually liked to discuss my situations rather than writing about them. With Rice as a close companion these days, its very much easier than talking to my parents, who seemed to have forgotten what its like to even have the problems that I sometimes encounter, and a whole lot easier than burdening an already burdened black boy with my crisises.

Some people wonder about her. How she suddenly came to live in a town such as this, a town so unwelcoming such as this. it was a strange happening; all of a sudden it was as if over night a skirt wearing hippy was living five houses down from me. The first time I saw her I was twelve and a half, and I couldn't take my eyes off her. Partly because she was new in the neighborhood, but mostly because I had never seen a person as facinating as her. The way she walked, the way she moved, the way she looked, and the way she talked when she smiled and waved at me from down the street that day. Not since the Freeman family moved in had I experianced such a brief but meaningful meeting with diversity. This town was pretty; nice houses, nice properties, nice wallets filled with green, and supposedly nice people. But underneath the masks was a gross pool of stupidity and hatred that made me want to vomit sometimes. It took me so long to see beneath those masks; Huey saw it the moment he came. And so did Rice. She was the epitome of freedom.

The entire flashback flew through my mind in under a second. I was walking down the sidewalk, my favorite teddy bear in hand, and I forgot that I was about to pass the house of the supposed infamous gypsy woman. My pace quickened, but my loud steps caught the attention of the girl herself who was sitting on the steps outside of her newly purchased house, playing a soft tune on an acoustic guitar.

"Hey, I've seen you here before."

I froze. Did she just _talk _to me? Talking to strangers wasn't my bag and never was, but somehow I didn't think it would be appropriate for me to just keep walking. Instead, I turned to look at her with fear flickering in my eyes and clutching my teddy bear so hard that the stuffing was threatening to spill out.

"You live down the street, don't you?"

I nodded slowly, still staring warily at the strange and beautiful teen. She put down her guitar gingerly and walked over to me. I thought about making a break for it and locking the door when I got home, but I still couldn't move. She stood in front of me, looming over me and at least twice my height. Smiling softly she offered me her hand.

"What's up? Name's Rice."

The fear left my eyes, for now I knew that her intentions were not going to be questionable. I took her hand and tenderly shook it.

"My name's Jazmine."

"Pleasure. You wanna come sit?"

Tentatively I walked with her to her front steps and sat down on the second while she sat on the top and once again picked up her guitar. She played strange songs until I finally spoke up.

"So…Rice, where are you from?"

"Lets just say I'm from a very different kind of place. I'd rather not talk about it."

"Sorry…"

"Don't be sorry, Miss Jazmine. Curiosity is beautiful."

"Do you like it here?" I asked quietly.

"…" She didn't answer right away. And I didn't rush her.

"Its hard to say. Change…whether good or bad is progress no matter what. But this change is strange. Hey, that rhymes."

Hm, a simple yes or no could have sufficed. She must've figured that out when I didn't say anything.

"There are things about this place that really piss me off, I must admit. But I'll get used to it. Maybe I'll even grow to love it."

Back then I didn't really understand what she meant by that. But now I realize that she was exquisitely adaptable, even to this kind of place.

"But enough about me, I'm supposed to be the fresh meat around here. What about you Miss Jazmine?"

"Well, I moved here when I was really young, and…that's about it."

"What I meant was what do you like to do? Like your hobbies and what not?"

What was she doing? Here she was, talking to someone who was almost half a decade older than her and asking me what my hobbies were! I wasn't used to such an absence of ageism. I had no more fear towards this young woman named Rice, but my confusion about her was growing steadily. She took my silence as an answer.

"You don't have to tell me anything. Its not like I need to know anything about you. I deeply respect privacy. And even if you are younger, that doesn't mean that you don't need privacy just like everyone else."

I just stared at her, my green eyes searching her face, her body, her anything for some sign of falsities and I didn't find so much as a hint of any negative qualities. I thought it was time to give up the untrustworthy disposition. Rice looked at her rusty watch that was beginning to rub a reddish tint off onto her wrist.

"Listen Jazmine, I have to get to work soon. I hate to leave you like this, but I have a lot of crap to do before I get to relax and settle down in this place."

She stood up and picked up her guitar, casting a glance to her corroded car parked in her uncared for driveway. I knew that this had to be the cheapest house in the neighborhood. It wasn't ugly…just, different. I knew it fit this girl named Rice well. Before going inside, she turned to me who was still sitting on her second cement step.

"Wait here, okay?"

Leaving the door open, she rushed inside and grabbed a pen and paper. She came back out and began scribbling something on the paper, and afterwards placing the scrap within my hands.

"Here's my number. I consider you my first friend in this place, okay? You seem like a sweet kid. Call me if you ever want to talk or something. Mind you though…I can get pretty busy."

Flashing a delicate sincere smile, she closed her front door, leaving me alone with my stuffed teddy and a piece of paper with her phone contact written on it. I smiled as the second long flashback ended. I still had that piece of paper lying around somewhere…of course now I didn't need it. I read that number until it was burned into my mind. Sometimes I think that if I were in trouble instead of calling 911 I would call Rice. There are so many moments in my life that include her, too many to count. I wonder if all of a sudden, God saw that Woodcrest was in great need, so he sent messengers down to help everyone solve their problems promote something that was worth way more than that of money, something that almost everyone and their gluttony coveted. Huey taught me about seeing things, evil things, things that made me cry and hurt inside, of course I would never regret what he taught me for the world. Rice was different. She saw the bad, scorned on it, and moved on to the good. She taught me to see beyond what I initially thought was beauty, and interpret beauty for myself. She educated me to be one with nature, to look forward to the next plane of existence, and last and most importantly, to be utterly and undauntedly happy.

I cast one last glance at the window and its indicative sign of the coldness outside before grabbing a sweatshirt, walking downstairs and quickly going out the door. A raging compulsion to be together with Huey pumped through my veins. Conceivably it was because of my confession of my feelings for him to my dad, but at the time it didn't matter what the cause of it was. I ran across the street and pounded on the door several times with all the strength I had. My breathing was sharp and I felt small beads of sweat slide down from my hairline, and not necessarily from the high-speed sprinting I was just executing. Behind the door I heard footsteps, but was disappointed when the youngest of the Freeman's greeted me with his scowl that was almost identical to Huey's only a lot more mischievous and a merciless smirk.

"Yo. What'chu want Jaz?"

"Um…is Huey home?" I asked.

"Why you all hot bothered? Jillin' off to the thought of my brother-SHIT!"

…Jilling off? Whatever that meant, Huey spared me from any further dealings with Riley and pushed him into the living room. He leaned on the side of the doorway with his arms crossed. He looked angrier than usual, but it was probably from his brother's muttering of vulgarities and insults all the way from inside the living room. But that was my first guess, whatever was pissing him off his glare from it was directed right at me, and it made me break into a light sweat.

"Yeah?" He said, his gist at least something close to casual.

"You wanna go for a walk?"

His stealthy gaze stayed on me, as if trying to melt me with their intensity which was the equivalent of a thousand suns. It was a few seconds before he answered.

"Fine." He said, grabbing his jacket and slamming the door behind him.

It was so frigid that my lips were beginning to turn blue and my teeth were chattering like a quiet maraca. I looked at Huey, and he showed no reaction to the cold air around us, and could not help but skim over his own lips which hadnt changed color at all and were the same russet color that they always were. It was hard to believe that he let me touch them with my own. Heck, it was hard to believe he was even on speaking terms with me after that. I guess I wasn't giving him enough credit. He may have been hard headed at times, but he lived for the concept of change, even if it was within his own self. Our walk was hushed, uncomfortably speechless, and I yearned to ask him about yesterday. His throat appeared to be constricted. What was he trying to keep from saying?

"Huey, I-"

"We should go to the tree." He said, cutting me off abruptly. I simply nodded, too outwardly muted to say anything else, and we walked the rest of the way to the dewy hill and the knarled tree in silence.

We sat down in the dampness, and sat there for what felt like hours. He just kept staring out at that town below us, his angry façade changing to a forlorn one. As opposed to looking livid, he looked sad. I didn't have the heart to distract him from whatever thoughts he was having, and just let him immerse in them. He could talk to me when he was ready. I hugged my legs with one arm, and rested my chin in my other only to raise my head once again at the sound of his thoughtful voice.

"Its weird…"

"What's weird, Huey?" I asked. He paused before continuing.

"It's weird how much a single event can significantly change someone's entire being."

I wondered what he was talking about for but a mere two seconds, then realized exactly what he was concerning. Well, it was good to know that he at least thought about it. He didn't say anything else after that, and I deduced that he had gone back into his thoughts, the secluded area that was his mind and a 'no person zone' for everyone else. I loved him, I knew as much. But would he make room for me in that captivating no man's land? There was little chance that he would let even the one his romantic fondness craved for inside of that maze that one would call his mentality. But I resolved to do my best. I shifted closer to him until the sides of my knees were touching his. Even from there I could feel him tense up similar to the anticipation of an atomic bomb. Yet he braved the radiation and stayed where he was and didn't move away from me. That was good, the last thing I needed right now was more rejection from him. This didn't affect my feelings on him whatsoever, but it hurt, and still does, so badly when he pushed me away. Next I finally defied the laws of physics as my arms were no longer pulled down by the cerebral insecurity that he instilled in my core, and wrapped themselves tightly around his body. He quivered, still tense like the encumbered soldier of liberation he was. I rubbed his back soothingly. Its okay, Huey. You have nothing to prove to me, and you have nothing to give to me. My mind screamed these words, but even for a sensative individual like the one I embraced, the words fell upon deaf ears.

He let me know where his limit was. As my fingers crept up and brushed against his jawline he snatched my wrist away from his face. But surprisingly he didn't let go of my hand and grasped it within his. As I suspected, from him playing around with that sword that he keeps in his closet, his palm was rough and chiseled with calouses.

"So, like are we boyfriend and girlfriend or somethin?" A juvenile sounding question, it was even phrased childishly. He didn't answer right away, and stayed quiet for some time.

"I don't like that title."

"What do you mean?" I asked as both my eyebrows had risen. It seemed no matter what he said, it always began with something curiously strange.

"I don't like the title of boyfriend and girlfriend. Its so stereotypical. If other people, such as my family or your family or a bunch of other dumbasses that go to our school find out, they'll expect us to make out and do a ton of stuff that the public doesn't need to see. Like making out, fondling, and all the other stupid shit that teenagers are supposedly supposed to do."

Huey turned to look at me, his orbs of light mahongony staring at me somberly, as if begging me to understand. Which I had only scratched the surface of apparently.

"So…you don't want commitment?" I asked, not really liking the peculiarity of the encrypted request, but vaguely comprehending what he was trying to say. After all…who needs much commitment at this age anyway? I sure don't...

"I suppose…but there's more to it than that, Jazmine. Such a label would bind in a lot of ways. Thus I want to keep our relationship precious, as both friends, and experimentors. I don't mind us…doing stuff, but just not all the time like those asses who eat each other's faces to impress people every day do."

"Hence basically, you want us to be friends with benefits, but friends with benefits with actual feelings for each other?" I asked, smirking gently.

He put his thumb and a curved index finger on his chin and stared out at the city again.

"Yes, that's one crude way of describing it I guess. In time, there's a chance that we might develop feelings for other people. If either of us has second thoughts there will be no grudges."

So…we were allowed to kiss and mess around, but we werent allowed to call ourselves boyfriend and girlfriend. It was stupid. Ridiculous. _Weird._ And yet the way he explained it, it all made perfect sense. He laid down the rules. And I was going to follow them like a good little girl. I thought twice about this one, for acting on impulse with Huey Freeman often ended with bad results. I guess this was better than nothing.

"May I kiss you again, Huey?"

"…"

Don't you dare go back on your word, Huey Freeman, I thought intently. I licked my lips, an action that was threateningly obvious. Rice had often told me the things she felt and went through when she was going through the same early adolescence as I was. She described it as being an unforgiving paradox that haunts yet frees oneself. I felt two types of substances mixing with my heated blood; poison that constricts my breath, and nectar which sets my taste of life unbound and abroad the most forbidden surfaces to explore these emotions that have been locked away until now. Now that I think about it, how, just how did our relationship that had been an unchanging line of altruism and rejection of that altruism, and all of a sudden I was close to begging him to let me press my lips against his like yesterday. The supression was dwindling away, but my ardor was erupting fast and I was sure there was no guarantee I would keep control of it for long. Second thoughts he said? I could never understand that, no matter how much he beseeched me to. This was the first time since I realized I loved my parents that I was irreversibly sure about anything. This was one thing that my instinct told me I couldn't ignore. I didn't care how ridiculous it seemed that I was asking him for consent to do something that usually was done on hasty stimulus. But I'll bet he was relieved by the sense of collateral power I gave back to him.

"Alright." He said, turning towards me while putting across the tiniest hint of lingering mortification, and disbelief of what he had just given me permission to do.

He flinched as he felt me cup his chin in my palm, and out of the blue just acted like I had him on a leash. I used that leash to pull him towards me and gently advance my lips upon his. I'm not exaggerating when I say it felt exquisite to finally be close to the one my body felt incomplete without. And at the same time it was irregular it was also comforting and quite the compliment that he wasn't struggling at all against me. For once in my life I felt completely whole and I couldn't help but swathe my arms around his neck as I made sure that our mouths were glued for the time being. An idea popped quickly into my mind, and being the impetuous creature I was today, I acted on it. My tongue raked the roof of his mouth and he drew back with a gasp as if he had been bitten with a snake. It was amusing, his reaction to my intimate move, and I kept on chuckling as he stared at me with shock.

"Oh c'mon, don't try and pretend that you didn't like that." I said, elbowing him playfully, totally ignoring the fact that he still looked astonished.

"You just startled me, is all." He said, then trying giving the impression that he was angry, but his dazed expression gave it all away.

He sighed deeply, and from what I could see his body was still trembling. I put my hand on his shoulder and stroked it amorously hoping that he would understand my request for him not to be afraid of me through body language. Looking at him I saw how vulnerable he looked when his walls of outwardly sent anger were down. His powerful bravado aroused me, but his exposed self did so even more. Suddenly he moved away from my touch and stood up, sticking his hands in his jacket pockets after wiping a bit of persperation from current events off of his brow.

"I should get home." He said, giving me a quick but droning side glance. I just stared at him, at first wishing he would stay, but then simply nodding.

"You wanna come with?" He asked, scrutinizing my face that was serenely lacking any sort of austere quality.

I just shook my head, and let him go. Back down the hill he went, and I smiled with composure as I watched my prophet with the magnificant hair, body, and mind. I was barefacedly aware that I had truly been blessed.

He even looked back at me behind his toned shoulder.

Everything seemed clear, wiped away, wonderfully lucid as I stared at his form getting smaller and smaller while he covered more distance. I exhaled, dulely contented with my life right then, feeling a huge difference from the amount of depression that I had recently experienced. Growth, birth, death, destruction. All good and bad. All are progress. And all are change.

I feel that change, and I hold it to my ribcage close to my heart and make sure it never leaves me.

* * *

Though my everyday actions show differently, I do have the occasional moment where I feel entirely insignificant. Unimportant, a simple parasite on the ass of the universe. At night I'm either on that blissful hill or staring out my window, but either way I can still stare up into that abysmal sky and wonder just how tiny I am. How many more stars are out there, how many more beings are at their windowsills continually deliberating whether or not their species are the only ones spinning an orbit in this vast space that the universe is? The cosmos is a brilliant and complicated thing. Although I may have dedicated my life to figuring out and solving the strange behaviors and actions of humanity, I wont go near the universe. I plan on doing things, many things, and big things. But I wont touch space, that's too substantial. 

I divert my gaze from the brutally deep blue skies and across the street to the house that looked similarly to mine, but didn't radiate the aura of 'black people that struck rich'. In a dimly lit window I saw a figure about my height with distinct hair characteristics sit on her bed and begin giving herself a head massage. Her hands tiredly went from her cranium to the bottom of her shirt and removed it slowly. Whether it had something to do with hormone driven facination or simply a distraction from my ponderings that involved the area above, I accepted the fact that at the moment it was impossible for me to look away. From what I could see from such a stretched distance her naked torso was slightly paler than what exposed parts of her body I saw nearly every day. The human body was such a strange but intriguing thing, I thought as I remembered just how flat and level her chest used to be. I was about to turn away and slap myself for acting like a lecherous peeping tom, but Jazmine threw on a baggy shirt and then turned out here light. I breathed softly in relief. So what if we made out once, that didn't give me the right to treat myself to a peep show starring a fourteen year old girl.

Riley stirred in his sleep as he pulled his bed covers up tightly to his chin. It was hard to believe that that same bundle of white sheets that was sleeping as if he were an angel in disguise was the same preteen tyrant that I punched five hundred times a day because he couldn't keep the filth out of his mouth. Listening to his light breathing made me want to climb into my own bed, for it was a Sunday night and tomorrow was school. But nighttime was my time for thought, and there was always something about the lack of disturbance of the shadows that brought out a person's most deepest and preciously kept contemplations. One must wonder just how many detours and side roads there are while on the path of life. I thought I was dead on where I was meant to be, where I was born to be, which was to stay a revolutionary and start an innovative upheavel against those who oppress. With half of my mind turned inwards to internal issues and the other to external, I've given my sudden traveling upon untreaded paths a great deal of thought. At first I began to worry that these new feelings, these new distractions and ties with other certain people were going to sidetrack me from doing what I believe is right. I was afraid, scared that my visions would never be realized just because I knocked up my childhood friend and would have a downspiraling life with fifteen kids and a dead end job.

The last few days have been…bizzare, disturbing even. And though they were a few of the most memorable days of my life and were the culprits of rousing feelings that I was still not used to having, I can easily say that I've thought about Jazmine more than anyone would figure. She's even plagued my dreams. Or rather she's graced my dreams, but I couldn't admit that to myself at the time. I made myself forget those dreams, those dreams where she would make me delirious with desire. I thought it wasn't normal, especially for someone like me, and I didn't care what other's said about pubertal dream tendencies. I sighed. How stupid I was, to believe that I was so different from others that puberty wouldn't even catch up on me. In that way, among many ways, I was and still am arrogant. It only took the last few days to realize that I had to stop thinking that I was some diviner. Divergent from how I behaved in my mid elementary years, I found that I had begun to look down upon the people I was choosing to help, instead of treating them as equals while I tried to educate them. So much had gone wrong, and I was certain that it was about damn time I set things right. I shook my head as all these thoughts and realizations ran through my mind. It wasn't Jazmine who was the root of all my life's recent chaos, it was my immaturity to deal with everything that was happening. I decided not to be ashamed of my behavior, but to get a quick start on putting myself back in place.

It was time for me to accept some things the way they were. And that was something that I did not know how to do.

With that absolute, I stepped over to my bed and slipped inside in silence. I lay on my side, staring at the sleeping face that was in the bed on the other side of the room, his corn rows falling against his cheek and his lips moving in frequent sequences of babbling nonsense as he always did when talking in his slumber.

"Nng…Russel Crowe…put down dat gun…Don't shoot me…fuckin' crazy cracka'…"

I rolled my eyes. The only white men he talked about were the ones that were threatening him in his dreams. Still, I couldn't help but give a miniscule smirk at my sleeping sibling. I rolled over on my other side, and gazed at the window that I was previously sitting next to. I exhaled heavily, and let sleep take me, and would hopefully knock me out hard enough so that I could rest up for school tomorrow. Pretty pointless, seeing Jazmine is worth hours and hours of unconscious rejuvenation. With that in mind I could've stayed up all night if I wanted to. But…I would see her tomorrow. And the next day, and the next day hopefully, and probably the day after that too. I would will myself not to be afraid of those green eyes so full of passion, passion that was intended for me all along. We werent official, but that was a good thing. It would all us freedom, a virtue that I always had strong beliefs in. There were so many horrible monstrous things out there…but they couldn't get me anymore. Because I had my world to protect me, and me to protect it, as well as the the people in it.

END.


End file.
